Your grocer's frozen food isle

WARNING: POST CONTAINS (REQUIRED) FOUL LANGUAGE

About eight years ago Megan and I were grocery shopping at Cub Foods. As we were strolling down one of the frozen food isles, we got to the end, and two guys were standing there, looking at a Stouffer's frozen lasagna. It was $9.99. One guy said to the other "you're gonna pay ten dollars for some frozen fuckin' bullshit?"

It made me laugh. We went past them, and I had to go back to the isle for something, and the guy who said it was still there, but the other guy was gone. I looked at the guy and smiled, trying not to laugh. He looked at me and knew I heard him, and he filled me in. "My fuckin' brother. He's a chef, by trade, and he owes me money and he's gonna make me dinner. He wants to get that? I don't think so."

Since then, whenever we're going to have anything frozen, a Lean Cuisine for lunch, or a frozen vegetable as a side for dinner, it's frozen fuckin' bullshit. Frozen pizza? Frozen fuckin' bullshit. You get the idea.

Let me change gears for a minute. I have a laptop that has died. I didn't know if it might be the battery, as the indicator light comes on when I plug in the AC adapter, but it still doesn't start up. It's frustrating because it was like $500. I got a lot of use out of it in college, but don't really use it anymore. Not the point though. I should have the chance to use it. I actually get some good writing done away from home.

I went to Facebook to see if anyone could help me revive it. I got help from a couple of old high school chums. One told me to put it outside, or in the freezer for a while. I thought "yeah, right," but then another said no, it's true. He posted a Wiki How article that gave the steps to freeze the battery for 12 hours. I'm  glad I didn't put the whole laptop in the freezer, like I was thinking the first meant.

So I followed the steps. I put the battery in a ziplock freezer bag and put it in the freezer overnight. When I woke up in the morning, I couldn't wait for the 12 hours to be up. I at least want to get my Final Draft software off the computer. Finally it had been 12 hours. I took the battery out of the freezer and waited for it to warm up to room temperature (or as Megan made up, 'room toom').
I put the battery into the laptop and plugged it in.
I waited for it to charge. I pressed the power button, aaaaand….

It was frozen fuckin' bullshit.