The Play's The Thing

He's a ham.

                -My Mom

In 1994 I was in 11th grade, and in Home Ec class Keith Koroschetz told me about an improv show he saw at a theater in Uptown called Comedy Sportz. He described the show, and I thought it sounded a lot like the English show on Comedy Central Who's Line Is It Anyway?. I went to the theater to see a show, and LOVED every minute of it. I became a regular. The owner and usual 'referee' of the Sportz began to recognize me upon entry. 

During one show I got to be an audience volunteer and perform a scene with my local improv idols. I didn't know how one got to become a star of this stage, but wanted to be part of it really bad. I was so excited the night I was leaving a show and saw a flyer on the wall that open auditions were the following week. 

I obsessed about the audition. What would it be like? Will we play the games that I see almost every weekend? Will the performers I love be there to judge me? Audition night finally came, and owner/referee Steve greeted me with a form to fill out. We did do the games that I knew. About ten people were hired from that night, and I was one of them. 

I was fresh out of high school, starting my technical college radio-school, but those days with the improv troupe were my real "college experience." I didn't stay friends with one person from radio school after our nine months together (including the guy whose I.D. I used to get into The Fine Line for a 21+ show to see Tracy Bonham). I met my life-long friends at what was Comedy Olympix when I joined. 

One of those friends is Jimmy D, who moved to Chicago toward the end of my run with the theater. Jim learned long form improv there, and when he moved back to MN he taught it to about seven of us. We became The Drunk Baby Collective and were a troupe from 1998-2005 playing a lot of shows at the Bryant-Lake Bowl. Also many festivals nationally and internationally. In addition to improv, we did sketches, and a few original shows in the MN Fringe Festival. 

I miss performing. I miss the stage. A friend whom I met at Comedy Olympix is directing a musical comedy at a theater in Anoka. He posted about auditions, and I looked up the show. It looked interesting, so I reached out to him asking how musical it is. (I love karaoke, but don't really sing, and don't even ask me to dance. Imagine Lurch from The Addams Family.) He said it's pretty musical, BUT there's one role who doesn't sing that much, and is best for an improvisational actor. 

I auditioned. It was nice to see my old friend again, and I actually memorized my lines in the 30-minutes before I was called in. I got a call back, but I didn't land that part. The process whet my appetite for the stage, and I looked up community theater around me. Fridley has one. Who knew? I reached out to them asking to let me know of the next auditions. They told me the next production was going to be Steve Martin's Picasso at the Lapin Agile. 

Auditions were at the Fridley Community Center. Everyone was really nice to me when I arrived. They had scripts for different parts (or sides) sitting out, and one guy-Tom-told me to read a few and the director would have me read what he felt like when he saw me. I knew that I wasn't going to memorize lines for five different roles, but looked them over and got familiar with them. 

When I told Tom that I was comfortable enough to go in, he informed the director, who called me in to read with another auditioner. The play is set in the titular bar and features interaction between a young Pablo Picasso and Albert Einstein. We each read those roles, and then the director excused the other auditioner and had me read a monologue by another character. I asked him about call backs, and he said he would call people the following night. 

Tom told me that I should audition for the musicals they do before I left. When I told him that I can't sing or dance, he said he can't either, but was thrown into Fiddler on the Roof, and has done musicals ever since. 

The following (Saturday) night a call/text/email never came. I had fun though, and met some really nice people. 

Sunday I watched football and played with Ozzie. Typical lazy Sunday. As a cartoon that Ozzie watched before nigh-nigh ended, and I was just getting up to start the bedtime ritual of waiting for him to pick out jammies, waiting to put them on him, waiting... basically waiting, my phone rang. It was the director asking if I'd like the role of Albert Einstein in the show. Uh, yeah! I told him that when I didn't hear anything the night before, I figured I didn't make the cut. He said he knew he wanted me in the role right after my audition and didn't require a call back. 

I'm honored, and proud to have earned this role. I found a copy of the script online and read it. There are several male roles, and I realize that if I was cast in one of the other ones, I would covet the role of Einstein. He, like the script, is witty, high-brow, and funny (see: Steve Martin wrote it). The first read through is on Monday and then nothing during the holidays. Rehearsals start in earnest in January. Performances are in February. I can't wait to meet the rest of the cast and get started. I'll detail the process right here in Nerd Dad. 

Girlpool live at The Triple Rock

I first heard the band Girlpool a few months ago on The Current. I heard their single Ideal World, and looked them up right away as I listened to just two girl voices, a bass and a guitar. I learned that was the whole band. Two gals, Cleo Tucker, 18, on guitar, and Harmony Tividad, 19, on bass. I streamed some of their other music, and dug it. I told myself that if they ever came to town, I gotta see 'em. 

Looking at the concert calendar on the City Pages website I saw that they were coming to The Triple Rock 10/15, and the show was sponsored by First Avenue. I emailed my contact at First Ave. asking if I could get a stool for thew show, and she told me "no problem." I was all set. 

I hadn't been to this venue since I saw Doug Stanhope open for Metallagher probably in 2007 or '08, and forgot what the place even looked like. I relied on my phone's GPS to get me there. The show was to start at 9:00 with the first of two openers. As I drove by the club, the line was curling out the door, and past the building. I'd bought my ticket already, so I wasn't worried about getting in. 

I parked a few blocks away for three bucks, and had an easy walk in the fall October night air. As I arrived to the line, I felt every bit of my 38-years as I stood in the second-hand smoke of the 18+ crowd waiting to get in. The people-watching showed me that "these kids today" have the same apathy, and give-a-shit attitude that I did when I was young, in [technical] college and knew everything. 

I showed the guy at the door my ticket (that was texted to my phone) with my ID. He slapped a wristband on me showing that I'm over 21. I found my stool not far from the door and parked it as Half Tramp played. Half Tramp is one girl with an electric guitar. Her songs were slow and haunting. I didn't mind that I missed the first few. While she played I got up from my seat and familiarized myself with the place where I'd performed a sketch show once, back in probably 2006-'07. 

Cleo Tucker was sitting at their merch table with her nose buried in her phone. I wanted to talk to her, but didn't have the guts. Looking back on it, it would've been so easy to get a selfie with her to post for you right here, but I felt that I should buy something if I was going to bother her for that. I have no need for CD's, and a shirt was only $15, but I know it would be suitable for Ozzie to wear after one washing, so I just got a Diet Coke at the bar and creeped back to my stool. 

After Half Tramp came a three-girl punk band: Kitten Forever. Bass, drums, vocals. They cranked out a couple of two-to-three minute songs, and then the vocalist took the bass, and the bassist took over on vocals. That's when I really started to pay attention. It got even better when the vocalist (who started on bass) traded with the drummer during a bass interlude, and the drummer sang a few. Then the original drummer took the bass, and the first girl who sang was singing again. 

The songs all sounded similar, with that punk beat, and staccato lyrics. They had such an energy and spirit; and a full-on mosh pit broke out. I hadn't seen a mosh pit since the late 90's. Kitten Forever wailed for about 30 minutes, and then it was time to tone it back down with our headliners. 

Girlpool took the stage a little before 11:00, smiling as they tuned their instruments. They opened their show with their radio hit Ideal World. I have high respect for musicians who open their live show with their hit. I have ever since I saw Lou Reed open with Sweet Jane.  It tells me that you're confidant in the rest of your show. We know that you're going to like it, so here's the song that brought you here first.     

They smiled most of the time in between songs as they bantered with the crowd, and fine-tuned their instruments. Kitten Forever could be seen watching from the side of the stage. Tucker and Tividad chuckled a few times while singing, obviously having a good time up there. It put me in a good mood too. 

They played a 2-song encore, and the music was over at about 11:45. After the show Tividad was busy selling insta-shrink tee-shirts to a line of people. I left the club, again, wading through the second-hand smoke of the millennials. It was a windy, blustery-cold walk back down Cedar to my car. 

It was a good night of all-female music. I was really happy to have my stool when the friendly-violent mosh pit broke out. I don't remember the last 18+ show I went to, but my birthday was October 1st. In all of my birthdays, this night was the first time I've felt like an old goat. 

Alice Cooper/Motley Crue Live

Back before Mother's Day Megan told me that Motley Crue was coming to town with Alice Cooper. I figured it was going to be a show at a casino, and quickly forgot about it. As Mother's Day drew closer, she reminded me of the show. I got us tickets to the show at the Xcel Energy Center, and put them in her Mother's Day card.

We arrived at the X around 7:05 and could hear a band onstage once inside. We found our nosebleed seats, and watched the unadvertised opener. They were pretty underwhelming, basically ruining pre-show conversations. There seemed to be only about 1,000 or so people in attendance anyway.

After the opener, whose name I never got (and hope I never do), the house lights came up, and a sheet with Alice Cooper's distinctive eyes was draped onstage. More and more people found their seats. Cooper and band took the stage around 7:40 with The Black Widow right into No More Mr. Nice Guy. Cooper, 67, performed the songs that he's played thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of times with the energy and voice of 1970's Alice Cooper. 

As far as I could see from my cheap seat, he hasn't slowed a bit. The stage-show featured pyro, whips, a 12-foot walking Frankenstein, and a guillotine decapitation. He played all of his hits, and a few songs that were new to me. He was surrounded by an amazing band that didn't miss a beat. Cooper's only stage banter was introducing the members of the band before the last song: School's Out (featuring an interlude of Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall). 

He said one guy was from St. Paul, Minneapolis. Megan thinks he meant he's from the metro area. I say it was a "senior moment." Either way, the entire 55-minutes was a spectacle. Well worth the ticket price. 

After a brief intermission, and the Xcel filling almost to capacity, Motley Crue took the stage (for their first Final Tour) opening with Girls, Girls, Girls. It was all 80's hair-metal after that, and I mean that in the best possible way. I felt like I was in junior high again. Vince Neil's stage banter between songs was laced with profanities. Nothing of any substance. How the fk are you? Make some fkn noise. And my favorite: Who out there is a motherfker tonight? 

Back in high school I'd heard that Tommy Lee plays his drums while spinning upside down. It's true, and he still does. Before the end of the show, Lee's entire drum kit elevates and spins while moving forward along a track (like a really slow roller coaster), and he beats the skins to remixes of current pop songs. It was quite impressive. As were the pyrotechnics throughout Crue's 90-minute show. There was a lot of fire, even a flame thrower attached to Nikki Sixx's guitar that shot blazes sky high to the beat.

The main show ended with Kickstart My Heart, and a grand finale of pyro and bombs that was better than any fireworks I saw this Fourth of July. It was a finale to go along with their "finale" (until Neil, 54, gambles himself into bankruptcy and has to do another "Final Tour"). Their encore was one song: Home Sweet Home; performed on a mini-stage in the middle of the floor seats; with a montage of old band photos and video displayed on the screen.

I've only been to one other show where the opener was better than the main act. Lenny Kravitz was slightly better than Aerosmith. Motley Crue was great, and Alice was even better.
Megan texted me during the show: Vince Neil is a lard. I thought he looked like he's gained a couple too. We agreed that he was out of breath for the last two numbers before the finale. Credit where credit's due, they have been a rock and roll band for 34-years. On top of the world for over half of those years. They've had their cake, and ate it too.

Dave Matthews Band live at Xcel

I hadn't been out to a show since 5/5, and my friend Jason at work (with whom I saw Har Mar Superstar) asked me last week if I knew about any shows coming up. I told him the Dave Matthews Band was going to be here next Wednesday, and he got really excited. The plan was he was to get tickets that night and then text me where they were. 

A text came that night, but it was him saying that he'd forgotten about a prior engagement and couldn't go. I was all jazzed for the show, and decided that I was going to go anyways. The show wasn't close to selling out on Ticketmaster, so I planned on getting a ticket at he box office and avoiding the fees. My plan worked like a charm. I got the cheapest ticket they had. It was in the upper deck on the side of the stage. 

I made it up, up, up to my seat, and it was in the very last row of the section. The last row of the arena. I wasn't too worried about it as I knew it wouldn't sell out, and I'd creep closer once the show started. Dave Matthews took the stage at 7:26 for the 7:00 show. He was all alone and started with two acoustic covers; A Whiter Shade of Pale and The Needle and the Damage Done. He then brought out Tim Reynolds and they did a couple of songs together, and then the whole band joined, and it was a rock and roll party. 

View from the seat I bought

Around the fifth song I noticed that my section was nearly empty. The whole arena was about 3/4 full. I went down to the second row, where there were plenty of open seats, and took the one on the isle. I couldn't sit in the front row because it was pretty full, with an obviously drunk brunette dancing and holding her beer up during every song. Her blonde friend was sitting in the seat next to her and kept trying to get her to sit down. Brunette finally got her friend to stand up and join her. The blonde would turn around and high five me often.

View when I moved closer

There was another gal they were with sitting on the isle who was nursing a beer, but sober. The blonde offered me her beer at one point. When I declined she slurred "are you driving?" I told her I was. "Good for you for not drinking and driving." Back she went to rousing the audience to stand up and dance, which was unsuccessful.

Matthews announced that they were going to do one more song and take an intermission. I went to the bathroom toward the end of the song to miss the rush. By the time I got back it was intermission. I went back to my second row seat, and the house lights were up. I finally had a chance to see the drunken dancers. The way they were behaving I pegged them in their 20's. When the show was going on I couldn't make out their faces with the stage lights behind them...
They were 50 if they were a day. 

Their sober friend, Debbie, told me that they were going to try to go downstairs and get better seats for the 2nd half. She asked if I'd I like to join them. I did want to see if I could get closer, and I knew it would be a story either way, so I tagged along. Deb told the brunette (whose name I never got) to look up Minneapolis St Paul Magazine's editor on her iPhone as it would help her story to get us closer. 

Out in the hallway I learned that the blonde high-fiver was Brenda. She was the drunkest of the three. She asked me what I did working at the Xcel Energy Center. I told her I worked at Target and she didn't believe me. The four of us walked around the whole perimeter upstairs looking for the escalator down while Brenda would ask me "so, what do you do here?' I'd reply "I don't work here." "You don't? You do too." She also asked me again why I wasn't drinking. "Is it because you're driving?"

Debbie found an elevator, and walked on it like she owned the place. I followed, and they had to hold the door for the drunken (I learned) sisters. Debbie was a friend of the brunette. We got off on the first floor, and Debbie told the sisters to keep their mouths shut and just follow her. She marched all the way down to the main floor. We got to the general admission floor, and Debbie told us to wait on the first step. We did, and she went to talk to the usher who was letting people onto the floor. 

It was good that she did the talking rather than Brenda. If Brenda had tried to sweet talk the usher, it would have come out like this: "Bray. Leth ush on va ploor. Pleeeeshe." Debbie spoke to the usher for a few minutes, and finally turned to us and gave us a flick of a finger. "Follow me."

And we were on the floor.

I bought the cheapest ticket, and spent the second, rocking, half of the show where the tickets were about $100. 

View from the floor

You have to expect some pot smoking at a concert. Maybe a little more at a DMB concert. I didn't notice it upstairs at all, but as soon as the lights went out for the second half, it smelled like a skunk was running around the floor spraying. You might think you'd see a puff of smoke here and there. There were billows. It gave me a headache and stomach ache. 

Brenda eventually a got in an argument with someone, and her sister snaked her way up closer to the stage. They were out of the picture by the second song of the set. Debbie was still around, and she was actually pretty cool. We didn't talk much, but I felt like I was at the show with one of my cool aunts. Every so often she'd slap my shoulder and say "what do you think, huh?" or "can you believe it? Aren't you glad you came with us?" 

After Too Much she shook my hand and said "nice to meet you" as she was going to try to find the sisters in the sea of people and clouds of fog. I was starting to feel wobbly from standing too long and knew that I better find a seat before it was too late. I waded through the crowd to the first deck, and got a seat about halfway up where I watched the remainder of the 4-hour show (including the brief intermission). 

Dave Matthews Band are professionals. The show was great, and the story greater. I'd forgotten how much I like their music. Maybe I should work at Xcel so I can see these shows for free. The next show will be Motley Crue and Alice Cooper with Megan in August. Our seats are in the upper deck for that too. At least the first part of the show will be.

Wolf Alice live at The Turf Club

Ellie Rowsell's pedal pad

At work one day last year, I was listening to The Current on my earbuds and a song came on that I had to know who the band was. The song was Moaning Lisa Smile and the band was Wolf Alice. I told myself that I had to see them live if they ever came to town. I didn't know anything about them, but if Moaning Lisa Smile was their sound, they were my kind of band.

Looking into them over time I learned that they're from London, and are fronted by Ellie Rowsell with three blokes behind her. I like their sound as it reminds me of 90's grunge, despite the fact that every member was born in the 90's. They have a couple of EP's out with a full album, My Love is Cool, "dropping" June 23.

I was excited when I saw they were coming to town, playing a venue I'd never been to: The Turf Club. Tickets were only twelve bucks. First Avenue has been awesome to me the last two shows I saw there by reserving a stool for me to sit on. With MS my leg muscles fatigue after standing for about an hour. My legs turn to jello, making me lose my balance. First Ave also runs The Turf Club, and they were kind enough to save me a stool at the end of the bar.

I arrived at 7:40 and surveyed the intimate venue. The layout reminded me me of Five Corners, a bar in which I spent many hours, and dollars, in the 90's seeing Pat McCurdy. My stool was about as far as you can get from the stage, but still not bad. I took my position and ordered a Diet Coke for two bucks. Then I ordered a Juicy Lucy. The bartender asked if I wanted to run a tab. I asked if the sodas were $2 each, and he said he'd refill them for free. I tipped him well, and he kept my glass full all night. 

I am a Juicy Lucy connoisseur. My favorite is Matt's Jucy Lucy. Next is The Nook, and then 5-8 Club. The Turf Club's Lucy (served with kettle chips) is fair. It was what it's supposed to be, but if I eat there again I'll try something else. I ate it while watching The Wild on the TV behind the bar. At 8:30 sharp the opening band, Made Violent, took the stage. The bar turned off the TV.

They were a decent rock and roll band. The lead singer sounds like the singer for The Strokes. He did his best to fire up the crowd during their 30 minute set. I expected the bar to be a lot more full for the sold out show. There was a lot of room near the back. I hoped for the bar to flick the Wild game back on between sets, but they never did. I looked up the score after the show and saw that we're down in the series 0-3 now. 

At 9:30 Wolf Alice took the stage. They wasted no time rocking or rolling; Rowsell head banging along with her guitar from the first note. People crammed closer to the stage when the show started leaving even more room where I was. I watched the first few tunes from my stool, but then snaked my way as close to the stage as I could get with the bar behind me to lean on. 

I got pretty close. I don't think I was in the best acoustic spot, but I was happy with my position. The band got tighter and better as their 45-minute set stretched on.  Bassist Theo Ellis was fun to watch, jumping around, and leading the crowd in a clap to back up one song. The set got me stoked for the album in June. 

Grainy phone picture

They left the stage after their penultimate song for a 60 second break before the encore of Moaning Lisa Smile. I could actually see them standing in the stairwell waiting the one minute before running back up on stage. They cranked out their radio hit, and exited stage left for the night. I went back to my stool to swipe the "reserved" sign to hang in my cube at work. People filed out, and now with plenty of room in the club, I went to the stage to take a few pics; like the one of the pedal pad above. I was about to leave, and Rowsell walked past me on her way to the merch table. I told her "great show" and she genuinely thanked me in her English accent.

I followed her to the table, and there were about 20 people crowding around to buy a shirt for $15, or a CD for $5. The drummer was already there selling and signing merchandise. Rowsell started signing things and taking photos with people. I would have bought something for them to sign, but I spent my money on an okay burger. I had my "reserved" sign, and thought it was worth a try. 

As I waited in line, bassist Ellis came strolling up to the table. I shook his hand and asked if he'd mind signing my paper. Being a nice English fellow, he went backstage to get Sharpies (not knowing about the ones the rest of the band were already using) and came back and had every member sign my paper. I didn't want the autographs because I thought they might be worth money. I did it for whatever story I'd get out of it, and it's a good one. Nice guy. 

Wolf Alice is a band that is doing everything right. I was lucky to see them in such a small, cozy space. I guarantee that if they come back to Minnesota they will be in a larger venue with a more expensive ticket, and they won't be slinging their own merch. Wolf Alice has it. They're all in their early 20's, and age will make them an even stronger band, and presence, on stage.

Har Mar Superstar/Sonny Knight & The Lakers-1st Ave

A friend of mine from work, Jason, moved here from our Tempe, AZ office about nine months ago. I've gotten to know him over these nine months, and learned that he plays bass, toured in a band for a year, and loves music. He'd never seen any live music in the Cities, so I took him out to see some. We were going to go to The Varsity to see Hippo Campus, but it sold out. He'd said that he'd "never even been to First Avenue." Tonight was their 45th birthday party featuring Har Mar Superstar, so we went there instead.

I made a deal with Jason that I'd buy the tickets if he'd buy dinner. Another friend at work recommended The Depot right next door to First Avenue, so we ate there before the show. We started with a sampler of pork spring rolls with awesome hot mustard sauce, cheese curds, and onion rings. Then I got their breakfast burger. A burger with bacon, egg, and cheese served on Texas toast. It was very good, despite the fatty, rubbery bacon that I peeled off.

After dinner it was a short walk to First Avenue's front door, where they had birthday doughnut holes for everyone who entered. Stuffed, we didn't take any. I showed him around the legendary club. It was pretty empty when we got there; better to get around. We found a spot upstairs against the railing and waited for 1st Ave to Tweet out their trivia question to win a table. That Tweet never came. Sometimes they don't do it, and they didn't for the birthday show.

At about 8:15 The Cactus Blossoms took the stage. Their folk-with-a-country-twang music and harmonizing was a perfect way to start off the show. It's not the kind of music that I'd listen to at home, or in the car, but live it was all right. I imagine hearing it on a juke box in a dusty dive bar.

During their set I went to the front door to see if they had any doughnut holes left. They did, but they were dry and stale.

I had four.

The Cactus Blossoms

Next up was local rap artist Sims. His hip-hop felt out of place after The Cactus Blossoms low key guitar pickin', and failed to connect with the crowd for most of his 40-minute set. He was full of energy all the way through, but the music ended up being a sore thumb on the night.

Sims

The third band was Sonny Knight and The Lakers. The set started with their horn section, and one of them introduced Sonny Knight, who took the stage clad in a white suit. It felt like The Blues Brothers opening their show. Knight moved and grooved during each R&B/funk song as best as his 66-year-old frame allowed. The almost full house was into it right away, dancing along. I told Jason after they wrapped up that they were going to be hard to top. If I had a late night talk show, they would be my band.

Sonny Knight & The Lakers

Around 11:20, our headliner, Har Mar Superstar took the stage with local hip hop artist Lizzo (whom I saw open for Sleater-Kinney in February). This was my first time seeing Har Mar, and he didn't disappoint. He's very hard to categorize. Part crooner, part hip-hopper, part pop-rock, wholly entertaining. Not playing an instrument, it's fun to watch him shake his overweight frame around the stage. He did a new song a cappella, admonishing people in the crowd for filming it throughout, saying it's not ready for the internet yet. He ended his show shirtless, doing a quasi-head stand while finishing the last song before the encore. The last song of the night was another a cappella number that was a cool way to wrap things up.

Har Mar Superstar

If I had to decide who was better between Sonny Knight or Har Mar, I'd call it a draw. Both sets were a lot fun fun for different reasons. I got to show a newcomer an iconic 45-year-old music venue for his first time, and the icing on the cake was finding my band for my talk show one day.

Mommy and Daddy Date Night

"The best play I've ever seen."

                           -Megan Anderson

Mommy and Nerd Dad got to go out tonight. Grandma is in town from LaCrosse, WI and watched Ozzie, so we got a Groupon for The Butcher Block, an Italian restaurant in SE Minneapolis, and made a reservation for 5:30. Early, I know, but we wake up at 5:00am all week. We're a couple in our 30's who could pass for our 70's. 

We dined there one other time last November with a Living Social deal, and Megan really liked it. I thought it was okay. Tonight Megan referred to herself as a foodie. I guess she is. Tonight she really liked it again, and I would call it not good, not bad. I ordered Chicken Parmesan that was served over mashed potatoes. I also ordered the deconstructed canolli for dessert, and I wish they would have called it what it really is: three baby scoops of paint-flavored ice cream with three waffle cone chips. 

Earlier today we'd discussed going to a movie, but there are none in theaters that we want to see. My old friend Zach Curtis (whom you can read about here) stars in a play at the Theater Garage, that is getting excellent reviews, called Boeing Boeing. Tonight's show was sold out, but I know one of the people in the show. He told me to wait and see if he could do anything. It turned out that he could; he was able to scrounge up two seats for us, and we're grateful. 

As a writer, I'm always procrastinating whatever I'm writing. My last evening of theater inspired me to start a stage play. I wrote furiously on it for about a week, getting through 20 pages, but then my inspiration dried up. Within 5 minutes of this show starting, it was back, and I look forward to picking that script up where I left off. Enough about that. I put this in here to hold myself accountable. Now I can't cock-off. 

 Boeing Boeing is hilarious. It's established right away that Bernardo (Sam Landman) lives in his flat in Paris with his New Yorker fiancé Gloria (Rachel Finch). Gloria is a flight attendant, and needs to catch her next plane, or go to work. On her way out the door, Bernardo's old friend Robert (Curtis) arrives, and they catch up for the 20 years, or 18 years and 9 months, that they haven't seen each other. Robert lives in Wisconsin and doesn't have much to say. Bernardo tells his friend about how Gloria is just one of his three fiancés that he juggles. 

All of his harem are flight attendants, coming and going; sometimes daily. None of the fiancé's know about each other, and all think they are Bernardo's main squeeze. Bernardo's maid, Berthe (Mo Perry), knows about all three of the women, and covers Bernardo's tracks; even swapping out pictures of the girls as one leaves and another is on her way over. We meet his Italian fiancé Gabriella (Stacia Rice), and German fiancé Gretchen (Sara Richardson). 

Today is the day that flights are cancelled, or returned due to weather, and all of the fiancé's are in town, dropping by to see their one and only Bernardo. He's fortunate that his friend Robert stopped by today so he can help with the deception of the women as they come and go. Bernardo takes one out to "the countryside," while Robert spins plates back at the flat trying to keep the other two from running into each other. 

Director Craig Johnson nails the airplane-sized job of directing this cast of incredible actors, who pull off the timing (entrances and exits, along with comedic) impecably. Even if you don't find the show funny (which you'd have to be the biggest grouch in the world not to), you'll be impressed with how they pull it off. I wish I could call out one performance that stands out, but each cast member is funny, strong, and crucial to the story. I can't say enough good things about this show. It runs until April 4th. Get your tickets here. 

A+

Caribbean Cruise - Epilogue

The picture above is on the bus back to the airport to take us home. Don't we look relaxed? Like we just had the week of our lives? Because we just did. 

We woke up and had breakfast in the main hall for our last meal on the ship. I had my usual: ham and cheese omelet and french toast. Megan had her oatmeal, and then it was back to our room to shower, grab our carry on bags and leave our room. All-inclusive means tips too. We never had to tip any waitstaff or bartenders as it's all factored in to the cost. I'd read, and GK told me, that you should tip your room attendant if they do a good job. Our room attendant, Kareem, was wonderful, and we handed him a saw buck ($10) on the way out. 

See? You don't get much French Toast. We met in the theater and waited to disembark the ship. We only waited a few minutes and it was time to follow everyone off and pick up our luggage that we left out the night before. It was easy to find. We breezed through customs in about one minute, and it was across the street to the bus. We took a seventy minute ride to the Houston airport where I could access the internet again. Megan talked to her mom about Ozzie on the phone for the whole ride.

They get the people off the ship in a hurry, and early, because they make it all nice for new passengers to board the same day and they do it all over again. Another 3,000+ people embark for a week to remember; while we go home with a lifetime of memories. That's cheesy, I know, but I'm getting nostalgic thinking about it. 

We had about a six hour wait at the Houston airport where we took the airport trolley to other terminals to check out their food. I worked at Blockbuster Video in 1995 with a girl from Texas who said that we needed Whataburger in Minnesota. I always remembered that, and got to try Whataburger in Houston. You know what? We do need Whataburger in Minnesota. It was a really good fast food burger. 

We found two comfy chairs next to an outlet where we could charge our phones. We read our books, and looked at our pictures. We even snapped a few in the airport on a cool, arty mode that Megan found. I wish I knew how to work the camera better on the trip, but I'm pleased with the photos we got. 

While we sat and wasted time, it was kind of a long walk to the bathroom. Megan returned and told me that she saw Rod (Ron) and Angela sitting near the Chili's. She didn't talk to them. I went over to say goodbye, and get confirmation on Rod's (Ron's) name. Angela was looking at their pictures when I went and shook Rod's (Ron's) hand. They also had a great week. I wished them the best and went back to my chair... forgetting to confirm his name. 

We flew from Houston to Dallas, and then Dallas to MSP where my brother was right on time picking us up. I was going to go into work late the next morning, but instead I had to go with mom to pick up Ozzie. I called work when I got home and asked them to push my vacation for the rest of the day, or mark me absent. Whatever. I had to see my little man. 

Reunited, and it feels so good. 

Now here's a list of things that I want to remember down the road when I come back to reminisce. They won't mean anything to you, and I couldn't find an interesting way to work them into any of the blogs. They're mainly inside jokes that we had while onboard, but if you're curious about any of them, just ask and I'm happy to tell you the story.

Jesse Atwood and The Jesse Atwood Show. Adam Gump, the A-hole bartender. The John Lennon Way. It's always this way. The big, fat man drawing. Rod-red. An eel gets a shoe. A shark chews my gum. 

I lost 20 pounds to go on this trip, and gained 8 pounds onboard. We started Weight Watchers again yesterday. Before the trip I was one pound away from one-derland. I don't remember ever weighing 1XX. I remember being 200-even in high school when I first started weighing myself; in one of my three gym classes per day that I had. My goal is to get to one-derland. 

My friend Rachael pointed out how abruptly yesterday's blog ended. I know it did, and I apologize. It was kinda late (for me), and I wasn't sure if I was going to post one last one, or if yesterday would be the end. I've received great feedback from you about this blog of our cruise. Thank you so very much for reading. I'm glad it entertained you. 

If you're considering a cruise, I say do it. It was 100% fun. I don't know if we'll ever get the chance to do something like this again, but I'm very happy that we did it. 

Let me know if you have any questions, or if you want to just shoot the breeze. 

Peace and love, 

-Nerd Dad

Caribbean Cruise - Day 7 - Cruising

Our last full day on the ship. I was missing Ozzie like I've never missed anything/anyone ever, but it had been such a fun and relaxing week. We went to the pool early to get good chairs in the sun before everyone got out there. There was a self-serve frozen yogurt machine in the pool area. I tried it on the first or second day and it was bad. Today I saw people walking around with cones that looked really good. I tried it again. It was still bad, but I finished it.

We sat by the pool until we were hungry for lunch. We went in around 12:30. All week lunch was served in the main dining hall until 13:30. We arrived at 13:07 and were told that they closed at 13:00 today, so we had lunch at Johnny Rockets quite by accident. Lunch at Johnny Rockets was fun. It was a $5.95 cover charge each, and all you can eat, except milk shakes. Milk shakes cost $4.50 each. I ordered one and they brought (and charged) Megan and I each one.

We went back to our room and packed. It seems that all cruises have you leave your packed luggage in the hall the night before your disembarkation, and they have it waiting for you after you get off the ship. We sadly packed everything we brought, leaving comfortable clothes out to travel in tomorrow. 

Tonight's show in the theater was an Elton John impersonator. We're fans of Elton John; we even saw him live at the Xcel in 2013. The ship was going to pick him up in Grand Cayman and he was going to be the entertainment on Thursday night. Since we never made it there they flew him to Cozumel, and he performed tonight instead. His name was Joel Mason, and it was a comedic show with decent covers of the songs. Cruise director Elise introduced him saying that his luggage was lost and he'd have to perform in what he wore on the airplane. Then he came out in feathers and 7 inch platform shoes. 

We went to dinner in the main hall, and it was good. I had a decent pasta dish and Megan got leg of lamb, with mint jelly and everything. The waiter said it would melt in your mouth, and it did. I tried the mint jelly and it tasted just like spearmint gum. Since it was our last night I asked for two desserts on one plate. 

We went back to our room and set our packed bags in the hall. The comic from last night performed an "adult" show tonight. We went and were underwhelmed. His stage presence and energy were top notch, but he told street jokes and stolen jokes that weren't that funny to begin with. 

This was the first vacation we took where we didn't want to stay a day or two longer. It was just the right length. It was hard to leave paradise, but we were ready to come home the next day. 

Caribbean Cruise - Day 6 - Cozumel, Mexico

With tomorrow being our last day, the first small pangs of sadness started to set in that vacation was ending. We missed Ozzie so bad that we were really ready to see him, but it had been a great week that I didn't want to end. This morning featured chocolate for breakfast in the main dining hall. They had a chocolate shake on the menu that I eagerly ordered. A gal sitting at the table with us also ordered it. We were both given chocolate milk.

We debarked the ship and had an hour or so before we had to get on a bus to a private beach. We looked in the little shops around the port. Megan looked in a jewelry store. After showing interest in a ring, the clerk gave her a price of $525 for it. When she she said "no thanks," he went down to $320. I wonder what she could've got it for if we had the time to play Deal or No Deal.

We got on our bus and were at Playa Mia in 10 minutes. The beach featured a buffet and all you can drink, even alcohol, with the price of the excursion. It was my first time on a beach at an ocean. I really wanted to swim, but the water was cold. I can say that I have stood in an ocean.

There were a few shops as we walked into the beach. I wanted to get my brother a cigar for the ride to and from the airport. One shop was a tobacco shop selling Cuban cigars. If I ever heard anything, it was that Cubans aren't allowed in the US. I asked the proprietor of the shop if I'd have any trouble taking it into the States, and he said no. I asked again before I paid the $15 for the cigar, and he said that if I was worried about it I could take the label off and tuck it in my wallet, and he'd glue a Mexican label to it. Then, when I gave it as a gift, I could give the 'real' Cuban label with it. Since he offered that option, I took him up on it. (No one said a word about it coming back into the States, but I got this story out of it)

There was also a Mexican chocolate shop. Being a chocoholic, I was happy to go through it and try some samples. I didn't care for the chocolate at this store. The bars were $8 USD. They had what looked like a Slushy machine churning frozen chocolate. A drink was $4; and I didn't get the chocolate shake I ordered for breakfast. A gentleman served one up for me and told me to pay for it at the register. Walking to the register I took a sip of it, and it didn't even taste like chocolate. It was really bad, so I set it down, left the store, and got on our bus to go back to the port. It wasn't until I got on the bus that I realized that I was in a foreign country and technically go be thrown into a Mexican jail over a $4 chocolate drink. It was a relief when the bus pulled away and no one came looking for me. 

We got back from the beach, and back on the ship around 15:30. We got ready for our second formal night on board. I donned my suit, and Megan wore her rockin' dress she bought right before the cruise. Each night our only worry was "should we go to the show, and then dinner, or dinner first and then the show?" We went to the show first tonight. 

The show featured a so-so comedian, Steve Shaffer, for 15 minutes, and then a guy from the song and dance shows earlier in the week singing big band swing tunes. That's Life, Mac The Knife, etc. It was the weakest show in the theater all week, but the price was right. After the show we went to the main hall for formal dinner. I got the linguini that they offered every night, and I can honestly say that it was food. Megan always wanted to try Baked Alaska, and they featured it for dessert tonight. 

Baked Alaska

We went to something called The Quest Game Show in the ice arena at 22:00. It was billed only as an "adult scavenger hunt." And "you'll be hooked within the first few minutes." They split the audience into eight teams. They asked for a man and woman volunteer to be the team captains. A girl in our section popped up right away. No man would budge in our section, so I went down there to represent our team. There were boards over the ice. The host, our cruise director Elise, explained the game. She would ask for items that the captains would have to get from people in the sections and bring to her. No one would have to leave the arena to get the items.

Most of the items were made to embarrass the guys. There were only about four other guys in my section, and they were all pretty shy, so the team captain, yours truly, had to come up with most of the items/requests. When Elise asked for a man wearing pants inside out and backwards, I took off my pants (In front of everyone) and flipped them. When she asked for 2 shoelaces from a pair of men's shoes, the other captain fell to the floor and ripped them out of my shoes. I also had to show a tan line, and do the Can-Can topless with three other burly guys. 

It was a spring break-type of game. It was definitely geared toward a younger adult audience, and if I wasn't captain we probably wouldn't have stayed until the end. Our team didn't win the game. I thought the winning team would win an awesome prize after all of that, but I didn't see any prizes given out. Megan thought they won hats. Either way, I'm glad I experienced it, and even happier that I got the chocolate shake I had been craving since breakfast at the Ben & Jerry's next to the 24 hour cafe; and it was delicious. We hit the hay at about 00:30. 

Our last towel animal

Up next: Day 7 - Cruising

Caribbean Cruise - Day 5 - Georgetown, Grand Cayman

Our 5:45 alarm goes off. I wake up to it and can hear wind outside through our balcony door. I feel the ship rocking for the first time since boarding. Megan tells me that she's been awake for the last hour, anxious that we have to go snorkeling in an obvious storm going on outside. I tell her that it'll be okay, that they do it all the time. I don't tell her that I'm anxious about it too. I have to stay strong if she's going out on this $150 excursion we've paid for. 

We set the alarm this early because we have to meet in the theater at 6:45 to get on the tender boat that will take us to the Cayman Island for our excursion. We apply the most sunscreen we've applied all week. Lotion with spray on top. It might be cloudy, but we're not going to burn! We stop at he 24 hour cafe on the way to the theater to grab some pastry goods for breakfast, and make our way to the theater. 

Inside the theater are all of the people going on the same excursion we are. They talk to each other about their trepidation. We sit in theater seats and wait , each taking Dramamine to stave off any seasickness that may come. Nothing happens for 30 minutes. Finally at 7:15 the captain makes a ship-wide announcement that the Grand Cayman authorities have deemed the weather too bad for anyone to tender to the island. All excursions will be automatically refunded, but no one will see Grand Cayman today. 

We go to the buffet for a real breakfast. I stick with deep fried tater tots and potatoes. You can't mess up deep fried things. Mistakenly I take some eggs and an English muffin too. The scrambled eggs are cold and dry again. The muffin? Hard and stale. I leave it on my plate with a bite attempted. We go the pool deck to check out the weather up there. 

The ship is even rockier here on the 11th deck. Water is sloshing and splashing out of the pools with each tilt. People throughout the ship are holding walls and rails so they don't fall off-balance. We sit in the hot tub for a bit while we discuss our day that will be spent onboard. We decide to go back to our room before anything. 

Back in the room Megan falls asleep pretty quickly. I take my Kindle out to find a secluded place on the ship to read. I find a comfy chair in a bar and read for about 30 minutes. I'm getting drowsy. We did wake up at 5:45. I go back to the buffet to refill my fat belly before going to the room. Since I already had savory stuff, I go with sweet this time. French toast, waffle and chocolate chip pancakes. It was delicious. 

Back in the room, with Megan sawing logs next to me in bed, I read about a page before sleep overcomes me. We wake up around lunch time and go to the main dining room. We're sat with a couple from Houston, Texas. We never got their names, but later named them Kimberly and Steve ourselves. They have five kids between the two of them (at home, not onboard), and Kimberly had been a surrogate for another. Steve looks like a balding Danny McBride. 

Danny McBride
(or Steve's brother?)

We go back to the room and make dinner reservations for the steak restaurant onboard, Chops. We're tired again and and each take a nap. It's uncharacteristic for me to sleep this much. I'm tired a lot of the time, but rarely sleep other than at night. We wake up and get ready for the theater production, Now & Forever. The show features popular broadway songs and dancing. It has decent production value, and is a fun show. 

Orchestra pit in sunken stage

We go to dinner at Chops from the theater. We're 20 minutes early for our reservation, but they seat us right away. Here it's a $35 cover charge each and we can order what, and how much, we want of everything except the steak. One steak per cover charge. We each get appetizers and sides with our steaks. The food is above average. Better than the all-inclusive food, but Sabor last night was better. Around dessert a couple is sat at the table next to us. It's Kimberly and Steve! 

Two desserts, because why not?

We go to a Finish That Song Lyric game show at 21:45. They ask for contestants to run up on stage. I'm the second one up there, out of about 15. They play the first part of a song, and if you know it, you step up to the mic. I realize that they usually stop it right before the part that everyone knows. I advance on Nancy Sinatra's These Boots Are Made For Walkin'. I don't know that song, but I know that part, and that's all I needed to know. 

The best picture Megan snapped of me playing

I take third place, and hit the prize-mother-load. Keychain, pen, highlighter, luggage tags, and a bronze medal (not actually bronze). Being a writer, I love pens. I prefer to write on a keyboard, and try to avoid writing by hand when possible, but appreciate a good pen. This pen is middle of the road at best, but I won it. 2nd and 1st place each got the same prizes, with different color medals. 

Actual retail value: 0.47

We find out tomorrow morning at breakfast that Dramamine makes you sleepy. That's explains a lot. Our room attendant would make up our room twice a day. He must've stopped by while we were sleeping during the day. When we left to go out for the night he was right outside our door and simply asked "who is seasick?" He thought we've must've been since we were in all day. It was just the pills we took at 6:45 that knocked us out. 

A rather uneventful day, but interesting to see how they handle it when they can't make it into a scheduled port.

Up next: Day 6 - Cozumel, Mexico